about gratitude

This should have been easier.
I set out to write a post this morning before heading out with the furry family to help them let off a bit of steam, and then get some shopping in (very related to the post) but have gotten caught up in the admin of the website.
I will be very grateful when I have finally gotten together a team. Webmaster is a title that sits rather uneasily on my shoulders. It’s not that I don’t think I could do it, learn how and all that, ’cause I sort of already have. I just think it’s a full time job, for people who enjoy it. Or at least don’t not enjoy it. And it needs to be full time so that one can justify keeping up with all that changes, which is everything all the time. The other reason is that it’s a skill set, needs practise and what you need to do for each task, doesn’t fade out in the memory, which in my case is rather purple hazy in general.

so anywhile…

I actually pulled up a freeby e-book which I traded a little bit more space in my inbox for, as is the deal. I’m not going to call them out here, as I am undecided. but anyway, there was a bit about gratitude.

(if this was live video you would have just been treated to a small breakdown. Trying to get Esther (don’t ask), one of the many cats here, out from behind the computer screen, where she had installed herself, and was fucking with the cables. Instead of taking the hint, she started batting all the stuff around and then when I lost it a bit more, she jumped to the top of the computer case, which is actually a precarious pile of ever smaller electronic devices. So that lead me to have a small mental breakdown ending with my head in hands yelling fuck I hate all you animals, fuck I hate you animals. Which is not true of course, but they do test my limits, pretty much continuously.)

Right now I will do an abbreviated post instead of the more thought out and wordy post that I envisioned. I just want to call out the main people who are keeping me from looking in the garbage to find something to eat each day, and allow me to pay all my bills, which are so many, although I am so consciously frugal.

The main man would have to be my dad, who has just come up with another little lump to help me push back the date with the dustbins by several weeks. It’s a little frustrating to be a fifty year old teenager, but life’s pretty complex. Anyhow, he came up with the goods again, and a lot of the pressure I have been feeling dissipated somewhat. Which is good. No doubt.
So although those that know me know I have a pretty difficult relationship with my family in general, and especially with my dear old dad, this is a big public call out to him and his undoubtedly generous spirit. I love you Neil John Hollingsworth.
And I would have to throw my dear old mum in there somewhere too, as one seventh of the lump came from her, my birthday present. She also threw in a bigger bit at Christmas, which considering I never reciprocate is pretty sobering. I threw that away on another course, which I have lost momentum on too. All about, and called “Winning the game of money” so that’s ironic.
And we argue a lot, but here’s another public call out. I love you Margaret Mary Hollingsworth.
So much to process.
Hmm… No wonder daily writing is always a recommended practise.

Dogs are starting to get on the boil. So I better finish up soon.

The other people in my life that I have been able to turn to in this time of need are both my partners, one current, one previous to the current. And yes they know each other and they like each other.
Gloria San Jose Moya (become her friend) has been there through thick and thin since she came into my life three or more like four years ago. My best collector and my best marchante too. (marchante is basically Art Dealer in Spanish) She has become poor by helping me to continue to dream, but she also dreams that in the end she will become rich by the same means. I love you Gloria, and I am so grateful for the help.

And Lourdes Benavente Paz who is my wife too, (haha, long story) and who is one of my dearest friends, saved my bacon the other day, and helped me avoid non payment on my rates bills. So my great hero, and of course did it without the slightest recrimination either. And not the first time that she has helped me either. I love you Lourdes, and I am so grateful for the help.

I am not good at asking for help, and I am not good at publicly thanking people either, but I am going to try and get better. Consider this just the start of such an effort.

Next post, the other heroes in my life. And there’s plenty more. So keep your eyes peeled for that one




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