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words ‘n’ things

Words are not my thing!
I mean they are and they aren’t. I write fabulous speeches and polished blog posts in my head as I walk around, but I sit down at the buzzing box and it all dries up.
And that’s just the surface problem.

I have always found words tricky. I have consumed endless quantities of them, and still do today, and I am so easily moved to action by well written words that I can imagine giving up copy-reading as a life saving move.
As for copy-writing… it’s the devil’s work.
Just yesterday I bought, one after the other, two information products/books because I checked my email. Just one email, gmail, but that feeds me my spaingaroo.com mail too. And I’m a practised resister, not. But I do have some defences otherwise I would be drowning in the things. ulp, hang on…
(anyhow, after a quick, get up and walk around, stop the dog barking move, I continue. Highly recommended whether you have dogs to stop barking or not. but it does break one’s chain of thought. That sitting will kill us. It’s worse for me as I sit usually when I make artwork too. Sometimes I stand, depends on the thing I’m doing. but I digress ::funny emoticon::)

But I didn’t come here today to talk about my consumption problem, that’s a few other posts worth of material in itself.
I came to defend myself for my lack of words, for my inability to talk about what’s going on in here. I always imagine that if I just started vlogging that would sort it out, as I could try and get out some of those fabulous speeches and polished blog posts that I mentioned earlier.
But it doesn’t happen either. I have even got so far as to finally have a little webcam of my own, but my internet connection seems radically incapable of sending even medium quality real time video to the net.
Well, just pre-record, I hear you say. That’s so yesterday! And I don’t have the space on my computer to store any video anymore. Everything is reaching its limits here. I should start calling it peak Scott, but I am either well onto the bumpy plateau or have started down the far side slope. All the money which could have given me a long overdue hardware update has gone on information products and dog food.
There is the small matter of trying to avoid continual updating of hardware too. I generally choose not to, but this computer is a 2007 or so, and that’s getting to the point that even I can start to justify the idea.
And I do tremendous amounts of visual work on it too, I certainly don’t need an update for better blogging, but for vloogging must be good.
And then I would have to not suffer from camera shyness, and I think that’s true. I don’t suffer from camera shyness. I would probably be pretty clumsy for a while, but who cares. Nobody’ll watch it anyway for a while. (or ever, but then again, it could go viral one day) It does have the whole visual aspect, allowing me to simply demonstrate things, like going sitting on the couch and showing the scale of the dog ‘problem’. And the amount of love and support that they give me.
No, I may well try again at some point but I think there’s still a place for the written word. As I think I must do in the majority of my posts, I insert here the mandatory lament for the lost art of touch-typing. I don’t mean to say I used to be able to do it and now I can’t, I never got that thing. I should put in the time and effort and finally break through, but don’t.
I will just keep hammering away looking down at the keyboard, surprising myself by the way that my fingers do know where the keys are, so much that I generally can’t see most of the keys because my hands are, in the way, hovering there, but I don’t have any system in my head for which fingers do which keys. So not hunt and peck, but rather peck and peck, as I can peck away pretty fast sort of.
And I am having the problem of trying to decide how much of my suffering is private, as it were. Unlike my mad French neighbour, I try to keep most of my suffering private, or at least not shout about it on the streets. I always have to talk about it a bit, but never do it well.
So I apologise to anyone who says, that’s all he does. Complain about his animal infestation. And it’s true, but not really. I don’t reach out to people to talk about it. I would rather in many ways just suffer it in private. But, if people get in my face, and ask me how I am, I have never been one for just saying fine. I am fantastic or miserable, but never fine.
OK, so I’m not fantastic very often.
But now, the limits cut in, and here I am with a huge list of things to do, the girlfriend ringing with bad news and distraction city.
I am going to post this mostly meaningless post, and attend to a few things.
My new intention is to post lots until the habit forms, but I won’t ask you to get on board that train just yet. If it happens it happens.
A shout out to all those friends, (many of whom will never read this, as I have written it in my mother tongue not theirs) who wonder why I don’t reach out to them, it’s something I think about lots and remonstrate with myself over repeatedly, but it’s the not wanting to be a downer, and also not wanting to lie or misdirect the conversation. Surely I’ll ring somebody soon.
I’ll leave it at that
big hugs to all


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